The rules of civility and decent behaviour in social media. AKA what would George Washington do?

Recently a dear friend suggested I read The Rules of Civility by Amor Towles. Set in the late 1930s in NYC, it’s a seductive and a mesmerising read for fans of old Big Apple glamour and the influence of chance encounters on our lives.

The book’s title is inspired by George Washington’s Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour in Company and Conversation. Towles imagined these ‘rules’ were most likely studied by Tinker, one of the book’s ambitious main characters, so he included them at the end of his work.

Washington’s rules cover everything from how you should conduct yourself in public (don’t kill fleas, lice and ticks in the sight of others) to how you should dress (in your apparel be modest), eat (drink not nor talk with your mouth full) and how you should engage with others (think before you speak).

The rules led me to think about the intense scrutiny of social media platforms right now. We’re reading about fake accounts, bots, and buying followers online. Fake YouTube views. Social media users worn out by angry, disrespectful online interactions about politics. Social media platforms hitting rock-bottom in rankings of people’s favourite brands. And recently social media executives were again in the spotlight at congressional hearings on online election interference, talking about the steps they are taking to clean up and secure their services.

Stir all this together and it’s no wonder we’re asking ourselves whether social media has had its time in the sun. Is it still useful? Should we engage? Should we close down our accounts?

There’s still plenty of value in social media engagement, but it’s up to us to behave like decent, empathetic human beings in the process.

Little did George Washington know that when he penned his rules, he was writing the guidelines for civilised behaviour in social media. Here’s my take of a selection of his rules to guide your thinking about the insights you want to share, finding your voice and nailing what you want to be known for in the social world.

Your insights 

Undertake not to teach your equal in the art himself professes; it savors of arrogance. You’ll have your insights and experiences to share in social and so will others. If you haven’t been in someone else’s shoes, then don’t try and tell them they’re wrong. Demonstrate respect for the learning and expertise of others.

Go not thither, where you know not, whether you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice without being asked and when desired do it briefly. Consider the value of the insights you share. If you don’t know anything about a subject, then avoid adding noise to the Twittersphere. If you’re asked for your opinion and have an informed view, then share your knowledge and be crisp and concise.

 Your voice

Be not forward but friendly and courteous; the first to salute hear and answer and be not pensive when it’s a time to converse. When you share your work, be prepared to have a conversation about it. Social media is not a one-way street – engage with those who are interested in your insights. There’s nothing more depressing for someone asking a question to hear nothing but crickets.

Being to advise or reprehend any one, consider whether it ought to be in public or in private; presently, or at some other time in what terms to do it and in reproving show no sign of choler but do it with all sweetness and mildness. Showing no choler is an old-school way of saying don’t be angry or irritable in your interactions. Playing the blame game and getting angry in social media doesn’t help you. If you have an issue with a post someone’s targeted at you, consider whether social is the right place to respond. If it is, then deal with the substance of the post in a calm way.

Your brand

Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for ‘is better to be alone than in bad company. To me, men (and women) of good quality are those people with whom I can have a respectful banter about subject matter we’re interested in. Focus your energy on sharing what you know with those who may benefit from your learning and experience. Don’t sweat the trolls trying to drag you down. Leave them be.

Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience. Of all the rules, when it comes to thinking about your brand and reputation in social, I think Washington nailed it with this one. Show up regularly, be open and have empathy for others. Then you’ll be well on the road to building a great reputation based on engaging in social with integrity.

If you haven’t had the pleasure of reading Washington’s rules, do so. They’re informative and fun. In the meantime, before you send an angry tweet or spam your network, take a deep breath and ask yourself: what would George Washington do? If we take a leaf out of his rule book, we can lift the tone of conversations and behaviour in social media, but it starts with us.