MAFS: A reality check on mindset

Until several months ago, I’d never watched an episode of Married at First Sight.

Now I’m a MAFS fan.

As an executive coach, I can't help but look at MAFS that way. It's captivating reality TV, full of drama, fun, and surprises. But what really draws me in is how the ‘husbands’ and ‘wives’ navigate the challenges of the marriage experiment. It makes me wonder about their mindset and decision making.

Without singling anyone out, here are my observations about mindset, based on scenes from MAFS:

“I came into this experiment with an open heart and mind.”
Are you willing to try new things? In MAFS, prospective husbands and wives meet for the very first time at their weddings. Sometimes there’s an instant connection; sometimes there isn’t one. Romantic spark or not, the couples who threw themselves into the spirit of the experiment generally had a better time than those who had mentally checked out by the time they were drinking bubbles at their wedding reception.

“I don’t want to stuff him/her around, so I’m choosing to leave.”
Are you resilient or do you give up easily? On MAFS, choosing to “leave” at the first Commitment Ceremony is a clear sign a husband or wife (sometimes both) want to exit the experiment, asap. Those who chose to “stay” for longer however, were often happy that they did. Your personal capacity to recover and persist can make a difference to outcomes.

“I love to hold a grudge … I’m pretty proud of it.”
Do you have a growth vs fixed mindset? One wife in MAFS enjoyed nothing better than holding a grudge. She was proud of it. Her husband and many others in the experiment thought it was unhealthy and unsocial behaviour, while she said he just had to suck it up. Believing you are who you are and your skills and talents are innate and unchangeable will most likely hinder your growth.

“We’re doing things together and it’s much easier to be with him now”
Powerful or powerless? One MAFS wife sat on the couch for hours every day while her partner went to the gym for hours. She was unhappy about it, but felt painted into a corner and unable to change her situation. It didn’t end well. Self-belief, especially when it comes to your ability to succeed, is the difference between being in or out of control of your destiny. 

“We’ve tried really hard together to make this relationship work.”
Are you adaptable or inflexible? The couples who listened to the advice from the MAFS ‘experts’ and adjusted their behaviour generally had a better time than those who were unwilling to change. At a bare minimum, they knew they could walk away from the experiment knowing they had tried everything to make their relationships work.

I can be an overthinker at times and let my mind run away with me, but getting married to a complete stranger on national television would take overthinking and managing your mindset to a whole other level!

I think getting through the ups and downs of MAFS would be like navigating the ups and downs of work and life — you need to adapt, stay strong, and stay open-minded to come out on top.

Just as the couples on MAFS sought guidance from the experiment’s ‘experts’ to improve their relationships, we can benefit from professional support to enhance our mindset and approach to challenges.

So, if you find yourself struggling to manage your mindset in work or life, consider me your executive coaching expert ready to help you navigate the twists and turns with confidence and grace.

If you’re interested in how executive coaching can help you, get in touch.

The power of cultivating a killer network beyond your workplace

Do you network outside of your 9-5 job?

While it’s essential to network within your organisation, spreading your wings and networking beyond your office walls can significantly amp up the benefits and opportunities available to you.

Yet, in my work, I still come across executives who don’t have much of a network beyond their current workplace. They claim they’re happy in their job, and don’t have a plan to move, so networking ‘out there’ doesn’t get much thought.

Some executives even think it's disloyal to network outside of your workplace. The problem with this strategy is that you could be left without a support system if things don’t go to plan at work or you find yourself out of a job at a time not of your choosing.

Here are five reasons why cultivating a wide, killer network makes sense.

• Mixing it up with different perspectives and ideas - Rubbing elbows with professionals from all kinds of industries and backgrounds can provide you with fresh ideas to tackle your work. Mixing things up this way can spark your creativity and broaden your horizons, allowing you to make a more significant impact within your organization.

• Opening doors to opportunities - While internal networking can lead to promotions or a lateral move to a new role, networking with people beyond your workplace can expose you to a whole range of career possibilities, including new industries, job roles, and even entrepreneurial ventures. A diverse network might just be the key to push your career forward in an unexpected way.

• Never stop learning and growing - Networking beyond your workplace can help you learn and grow. I’m a member of the IABC and I love the continuous learning and development that comes through networking with communicators all over the world. We discuss new trends and technologies. We debate communication best practices. It’s also fun as many IABCers have become good friends.

• Increase your visibility and recognition - As you engage with professionals from different organizations, attend conferences, and participate in industry events, you’ll become recognised on a larger scale. Soon enough, you might land speaking gigs, get invited to collaborate on interesting projects, or even land your dream job. It’s all about building your influence on a much bigger stage.

• Solving problems at warp speed - Need a quick solution to a work hiccup? Your external network has got your back. Having connections outside your 9-5 job gives you the ability to sense-check your thinking with experts in your network who have been there before, and access to a wealth of knowledge that’s not readily available within your organisation.

So, the benefits of networking widely outside your workplace are obvious. So why don’t we do it?

The reality is when we get busy, networking is one of the first things we cross off our list of things to do. Then, after a time, we’re surprised or disappointed that we’ve not been able to build our impact or influence outside our workplace in the way we’d like to.

Not good at this or unsure of where to begin?

To amp up your networking game, think about teaming up with an executive coach who can help you to develop a smart networking strategy that’s aligned to your goals. With support, your networking efforts will become more intentional and impactful. It’s also great fun meeting lots of new and interesting people as you develop your career.

Developing and nurturing a wide network on a global basis helped me to land a role at McKinsey & Company. Now I help others to unlock the power of networking through personalised executive coaching. If you’re interested in building your impact and influence more widely, get in touch.

Crush it or be crushed. You can choose

Do you feel like you’re crushing it, or being crushed?

It seems as if every other person I talk to says they are working crazy hours to stay on top of ‘business as usual’.

They tell me there is hardly any time to think strategically about work, let alone look after themselves and the people they care about. They’re struggling to delegate. They’re ghosting colleagues and friends. Getting out of bed on Monday morning fills them with dread. They’re tired, scared and miserable.

In this fragile economic environment, gaslighting is alive and well in the workplace: “If you don’t pick up this extra work, we will find someone who will.”

Another insidious practice creeping in these days is turning up to a brand new job, only to find that the scope of the role has expanded and it isn’t what you signed up for.

All of this makes me sad.

As if COVID wasn’t difficult enough, talented folks are being stretched to breaking point. They’re being crushed and it’s difficult to watch.

I’ve been working for more than 30 years now, in agencies, in-house and running my own show. When I first starting working after finishing university, I toiled away on weekends and when I was sick. I didn’t sleep much. There wasn’t much exercise. I deferred my happiness and my PTO piled up.

I was a speedboat at work racing to achieve, often leaving important stakeholders in my wake (I was once described as a speedboat in a performance review. True story).

I thought that if I worked my tail off, higher-ups would just know I was a comms genius worthy of promotion. Little did I know at the time that this behaviour wasn’t helping me.

If you are feeling stressed and tired right now, I want you to know that succeeding in work and life is not all hard graft. But you have to change your behaviour to change your situation.

Are you working too hard because you’re unclear about what you want to achieve? Is hard graft pulling you in the wrong direction?

Setting aside time to focus on your behaviour, mindset and influence through executive coaching is a worthwhile personal investment.

At risk of burnout, it was executive coaching that changed everything for me. It was the boost I needed to help:

• build self-awareness

• improve communication

• resolve conflicts

• develop my leadership skills

• make valuable connections

• set a clear vision and goals (and go after them).

With these skills in my toolkit, over time I was better able to navigate various twists and turns of the corporate world and progress, personally and professionally.

• I built my impact and influence at work

• I was promoted into more senior roles

• I expanded my network globally , making new friends along the way

• I certified as an organisational coach, to help other progress

• I certified as a gym instructor! Still my healthy side hustle.

 Crush it, or be crushed. You can choose.

If you feel like you’re floundering, it might be time to invest in executive coaching. It can help you create space in your life for what matters. It will help you become more resilient and curious to try new ways of doing things.

Above all, executive coaching will help you make a bigger impact in work and life and expend less energy along the way.

I learned the hard way that work and life was not all about hard graft. Now I help others to realise the same and write a new purposeful and efficient game plan through executive coaching. If you’re interested in how executive coaching can help you, get in touch.

Winner yesterday? Your game plan may not work in the future

Recently my partner Darren and I were playing Monopoly with my son, Oliver.

Things began well. We were all buying properties, putting houses on the board, collecting rent, and so on. It was a relaxing Saturday night activity.

Rolling the dice to his advantage Oliver had a competitive fire in his eyes as he engaged in a scorched earth strategy to wipe us off the board.

I was about to go bankrupt. Darren was hanging on by a thread. The game was going to be over in a flash.

Darren asked Ollie: “Why don’t you make some deals with us so that we can all keep playing the game?”

Oliver said: “Why would I do that? I want to win!”

Darren replied: “But then the game is over, and the only person around the table who’ll be happy is you. Winning at all costs is not always the best strategy.”

Ollie smashed us and that was the end of the game.

He did think about what Darren had said to him though.

On reflection, Ollie admitted that the game was over too soon. Perhaps the behaviour that usually made Ollie successful in playground games isn’t necessarily going to work in a family game of Monopoly. Ollie learned that he probably still could have won that game and kept us engaged at the same time, instead of leaving us in his wake. Then, Darren and I would be more inclined to play Monopoly with him again in future.

Sometimes in work and life, when things get hectic of stressful, we lean on the same old tactics to get things done, and then we’re surprised or disappointed when we don’t get the outcome we want. We operate in isolation, instead of remembering we’re part of a bigger system.

If this is happening to you, stop and reflect on these three things:

• Mindset. Are you taking the time to learn about yourself? What thoughts could be helping or hindering your professional progress?

• Behaviour. Are you clear about what you want to achieve? If so, are you taking action in the right areas?

• Influence. Are you credible in your dealings with key people? How does your professional style affect the way you’re perceived?

Setting aside time to focus on your mindset, behaviour and influence through executive coaching is a lot like learning to play a smarter game of Monopoly. With discipline and practice, over time you’ll become more resilient and curious to try new ways of doing things. Above all, you’ll make an impact. The game will be more satisfying and you won’t be the only winner.

I’m a certified executive coach, helping leaders be the best they can be, for themselves and the people they serve. If you’re interested in executive coaching, get in touch.